Get ready to fall head over heels for Calvin Berger, both the lovestruck teenager played ever so winningly by Frankie A. Rodriguez and Barry Wyner’s tune-packed high-school-musical take on Cyrano de Bergerac, now captivating audiences at Burbank’s Colony Theatre.

Meet Calvin, your typical high school teen, as charming and witty as they come, but cursed with a terminal lack of self-confidence where his schnoz is concerned. (“God parked Mount Everest in the center of my face,” he bemoans.)

In other words, there’s no way Rosanna (Jasmine Sharma), the prettiest girl in school, will ever notice him, let alone actually want him as her boyfriend.

Calvin’s bff Bret (Corinne Miller), meanwhile, has her own “Security Meltdown” to contend with, i.e. the absolute certainty that she has “the fattest ass in my whole class,” which is why there’s no way Calvin will ever see her as anything more than a gal pal.

No matter that the two besties’ body issues are more in their heads than in actual fact, these are two American high school kids with low self-confidence to match.

Enter hunky transfer student Matt (Jordan Quisno), whose first day at school has him falling instantly for Rosanna but absolutely incapable of ever telling her so given his inability to express himself coherently whenever a pretty girl is around.

Take for example this exchange:

Rosanna: My sense of direction is infantile.
Bret: My dad sells tile!

And compare that to the easy repartee Calvin shares with Bret:

Bret: We should hang out Saturday night. Movie and a little catch-up.
Calvin: A little ketchup? I would relish that opportunity.

Adding to Calvin’s woes is the fact that he too has a thing for Rosanna, and unlike Bret’s crush, his has been going on for years.

Not that Calvin is likely ever to show Rosanna even one of the dozens of love poems he’s written to her, and even less so now that his dream girl has revealed her own infatuation with Matt and asked Calvin to sound the new kid out on whether he just might feel the same.

When Matt confesses to Calvin that yes, he does indeed like Rosanna (but can’t conceive of ever doing anything about it), our hapless hero comes up with a solution that just might benefit both himself and Matt.

He’ll write the poems, Matt will memorize and recite them, and the two of them together will create Rosanna’s perfect match. (Song cue to “We’re The Man”)

And so with Calvin in love with Rosanna, and Matt crushing on her too, and Rosanna falling for Matt, and Bret pining hopelessly over Calvin, you’ve got a romantic quadrangle made in Edmond Rostand-meets-John Hughes heaven.

And heavenly is just one of the adjectives that come to mind when describing Calvin Berger. (Irresistible is another.)

Like Frank Loesser, Meredith Willson, and Jonathan Larson before him, Barry Wyner has accomplished the near impossible. He has written a musical whose ingenious book, clever lyrics, and eminently hummable melodies reveal a bona fide triple-threat musical maker.

And speaking of triple threats, Calvin Berger’s West Coast Premiere at the Colony features an ab-fab foursome at the start of what look to be exciting careers ahead.

Disney+ star Rodriguez has us rooting for Calvin from the get-go, Sharma is a pretty, perky charmer as Rosanna, and Quisno’s Matt is a resh-faced teen dreamboat to inspire any high school girl or queer boy’s infatuation, and all three stars have acting and vocal chops to match their undeniable charisma.

As for Miller’s Bret, not only do our hearts ache for her impossible crush on Calvin, the up-and-comer’s powerhouse vocals inspire something virtually unheard of in musical theater.  The opening night audience started their applause and cheers a good five or ten seconds before Miller hit the final note of Bret’s big solo (“Saturday Alone”), and did so again when she reprised the song later in the show.

Credit director extraordinaire Richard Israel for bringing out the absolute best in his gifted young cast, and musical director extraordinaire Anthony Lucca for not only eliciting their vocal best but for conducting and playing keyboard in the show’s rock-tastic five-piece live band.

Scenic designer Alex M. Calle gives Calvin Berger a colorful, surprise-packed multiple-rectangle-backed set, with Gabrieal Griego’s projections specifying each new locale with a collage of scene-setting snapshots.

Add to this Joanie Coyote’s just-right high-school-student costumes, John McElveney’s multitude of props, Martha Carter’s vibrant lighting, and Julien Reneaud’s crystal clear sound design, and you’ve got a production design the caliber of which I haven’t seen at the Colony since Barbara Beckley’s glory days. (Kudos to artistic director Heather Provost for keeping the Burbank treasure alive and kicking.)

Casting is by Michael Donovan Casting, Michael Donovan, CSA, and Richie Ferris, CSA. Lauren Lorati and Evan Pascual are understudies. Cyrus Elia, Charlie Faragher, Kathleen Robertson, and Hillary Smith complete the Calvin Berger band.

Julia Donlon is production stage manager and Austin Fresh is assistant stage manager. Ken Werther is publicist.

I can’t recall the last time I’ve loved a new musical as much as I have fallen for Calvin Berger. And I can’t recall an audience reacting as enthusiastically as the one that attended its Opening Night.

This is one high school musical you won’t want to miss, no matter whether your upcoming class reunion is your first, your fifth, or your fiftieth.

Colony Theatre, 555 North Third Street, Burbank.
www.colonytheatre.org

–Steven Stanley
February 18, 2023
Photos: Ashley Erikson

Tags: Barry Wyner, Colony Theatre, Los Angeles Theater Review