Troubadour Theater Company’s band of triple-threat zanies spoof the action movie genre in their own inimitable way in Die Heart, combining the Troubies’ trademark blend of unrepressed lunacy with the songs of ‘70s/’80s rock legends Ann and Nancy Wilson jukeboxed into their take on the movie that launched Bruce Willis’s career as everybody’s favorite cop-turned-antiterrorist.

Since you’d probably have to have watched the original Die Hard multiple times to even begin to follow the myriad storylines unfolding on the Colony Theatre stage, here’s a brief primer on the movie smash that inspired the Troubies’ 21st-annual holiday show.

Matt Walker stars as NYPD’s very own John McClane, who finds himself the only man inside L.A.’s towering Nakatomi Plaza with even the slightest chance of foiling dastardly German radical Hans Gruber (Rick Batalla) and his armed band of Teutonic terrorists in their attempt to steal $640 million in bearer bonds.

Meanwhile, partying Nakatomi Corporation employees celebrate Christmas Eve on one of the high-rise’s upper floors, among them John’s estranged wife Holly (Chelle Denton), her pregnant coworker Ginny (LT Martinez), coke-snorting junior exec Ellis (John Paul Batista), and a quickly dispatched CEO Mr. Takagi (Mike Sulprizio).

As Hans and his wacky platinum blond co-terrorists (Philip McNiven as Karl, Batista as Uli, and Martinez as Tony) go about setting in motion their evil deeds, McClane’s driver Argyle (Isaac Robinson-Smith) patiently awaits his passenger’s return, blissfully unaware of the events unfolding high above him on the 30th floor; a cameraman (Bob Moran) shoots news footage of TV newsman Thornburg (Beth Kennedy) reporting on the mayhem; McClane’s preteen daughter Lucy (Heather Youmans) frets about her daddy’s return; and police sergeant Al Powell (Cloie Wyatt Taylor) forges a telephone bond with McClane as the latter performs feats of superhero strength while barefoot. (The double-sized plastic feet Walker sports are just one of Die Heart’s laugh-getting props. The combatants’ nerf-firing “automatic weapons” are another.)

All of this is set to Heart hits like “Alone,” “Kick it Out,” “Crazy on You!” “Barracuda,” and “Magic Man,” only a few of which I recognized, but even without knowing more of their song catalog, Heart’s sound fits an action movie spoof to a T, providing vocal stars Denton and Taylor with ample opportunties to give the Wilson sisters tough competition where power pipes are concerned.

And if the comedy riffs, both scripted and adlibbed, and the entire cast’s vocal prowess weren’t already enough to earn audience cheers, dance moves choreographed by Walker and Suzanne Jolie Narbonne give Broadway hoofers a run for their money, with Martinez’s stunning solo tuns earning him the evening’s Best In Dance trophy. (Additional choreography by Jess Coffman and Martinez.)

 A “bulked up” Walker makes for a Willis-worthy McClane, his inspired direction featuring some brilliantly conceived “special effects” and clever use of just about every inch of the Colony.

Batalla is a droll delight as the unidentifiably European accented Hans, the outrageously funny McNiven plays Karl like a Nureyev wannabe (the Russian ballet dancer Alexander Godunov was Karl in the movie) with an increasingly bulging dance belt, and Kennedy once again earns Troubie Extraordinaire honors in multiple roles including one no Troubadour Holiday Musical could be without.

Supporting and cameo turns are equally fabulous from a cast made up primarily of veteran Troubies with a couple of equally talented Noubie Troubies added to the mix.

Die Heart’s live band (music director Ryan Whyman on piano, music supervisor Eric Heinly on drums, Blake Estrada on bass, and Nicki Stevens on guitar) provide a rocking backup throughout.

Last but not least, Julian Amaro’s costumes (a combination of spot-on ‘80s and multiple flights of fancy) and Narbonne’s dazzling array of wigs (with special snaps to Holly’s godawful ’80 perm gone wild) earn their own kudos as does Bo Tindell’s appropriately flashy lighting.

On a less positive note, it was often hard for me to decipher what characters were saying, even sitting close to the stage (no sound designer is credited), and the show’s uncredited “set design” consists largely of some child-sized tables and chairs on an otherwise bare stage backed by some cleverly chosen projections.

Corey Lynn Womack is stage manager.

Of the dozen or so Troubies holiday shows, I’ve seen over the years, Die Heart is by far the most unique of the bunch, but as a November 2022 Men’s Health headline reminds us, “One Last Time, Here’s Why Die Hard Is a Christmas Movie.”

If you like your holiday entertainment to be a mix of action, rock, and laughs galore, the Troubies’ action-rock-and-laugh-packed Die Heart is the show for you.

Colony Theatre, 555 North Third Street, Burbank.
www.troubie.com

–Steven Stanley
December 9, 2022
Photos: Douglas Leadwell

Tags: Colony Theatre, Heart, Los Angeles Theater Review, Matt Walker, The Troubadour Theater Company