• Zach, the imperious director-choreographer of an unnamed Broadway-bound show whose aspiring ensemble members have today reached the final round of auditions.

• Faithful Boy Friday Larry, who must help Zach whittle down seventeen finalists to a mere four boys and four girls.

• Peppy Mike, who as a child tagged along to his older sister’s dance class and discovered to his delight that “I Can Do That.”

• Maggie, the product of a broken home, who recalls how her life changed “At The Ballet,” along with the lives of sweet, shy Bebe and soon-to-be-30 diva Sheila.

• Chinatown native Connie, still able to play teen roles despite having been born in the Year Of The Chicken some thirty-plus years ago.

• Flamboyantly fabulous Gregory Gardner, born Sidney Kenneth Beckenstein, who discovered his sexual identity when the girl he was fondling asked if he wanted to move to second base, causing him to realize that his one-word response was “No!”

• Cassie, one of Zach’s exes, who finds herself back on square one (i.e. a spot in the chorus) following several featured roles on the Great White Way.

• Feisty Don, former strip club employee turned hoofer … and father of two.

• Bobby, who’s come a long, long way since growing up “different” in conservative Buffalo, NY.

• Gawky, quirky Judy, who recalls the joy she felt dancing around the living room for her first audience (of one)—her Daddy.

• African-American Richie, who very nearly became a kindergarten teacher before he thought to himself “Shit!”—and changed his life path.

• Married couple Al and Kristine, who describe in song what it’s like for a would-be triple-threat (Kristine) to be unfortunately unable to “Sing.”

• Formerly homely Val, who, upon discovering after an audition that she’d been rated “Dance Ten, Looks Three,” decided on the spot to go and get herself some “tits and ass.”

• Mark, the baby of the group, who recalls his first wet dream and the self-diagnosis he came up with—gonorrhea.

• Puerto Rican Paul, who began his stage career in female drag while still a teen, only to have his old-country parents discover him making his living in high heels and a feathered headdress.

• Diana, who realized in her high school acting class that when her fellow students were busy “becoming” bobsleds, tables, sports cars, and ice cream cones, all she was able to feel was … “Nothing.”