THE SPY WHO WENT INTO REHAB


A debonair British secret agent faces his evilest and most nefarious foe, i.e., his own alcohol, nicotine, gambling, and sex addictions (with anger issues thrown in for good measure), in Gregg Ostrin’s deliciously clever, fiendishly funny The Spy Who Went Into Rehab, the latest from Pacific Resident Theatre.

Not that Simon Cross (Satiar Pourvasei) has any idea where he’s currently being held captive, assuming that it must be either an underground bunker, a secret island fortress, or a hidden, heavily armed military base in the mountains.

Wrong, informs his captor Stella (Mariah Shirley). He’s been sent by court order to New Horizons Recovery Center for thirty days of rehab, and no, he wasn’t driving his Aston Martin Vantage in the midst of “a high speed pursuit with enemies of evil” as he believes but driving drunk in a blackout when a cop pulled him over.

Unfortunately for Simon, not even the Chief of the Secret Intelligence Service (Cyndy Fujikawa as “Z”) can do a thing about the judge’s order because not only is he a threat to national security, his “inappropriate, misogynistic, destructive behavior” has become a liability for the agency, and it’s either reform tout-de-suite or face a future minus salary, pension, and health insurance.

Next thing you know Simon finds himself seated among fellow addicts Gary (Stuart W. Howard), Yvonne (Rachel Townsend), and Pixie (Alondra Andrade) and hearing for the first time in his male chauvinistic life terms like “toxic masculinity” “triggered” and “non-binary,” which is how Pixie defines themself and not as Simon would have put it, “confused.”

Has there ever been a man less woke than Simon Cross? (No need to answer that. The question is rhetorical.)

It’s a hilarious setup for a consistently laugh-filled look at how times have changed since Sean Connery first uttered the immortal words, “Bond. James Bond,” back in 1962’s Dr. No, as we witness “Cross. Simon Cross” learning the most valuable of life lessons, that to survive and prosper in today’s world, one must also evolve, though it’s not just Simon who will be changed by his stay at New Horizons.

If there’s a secret agent trope to be spoofed, playwright Ostrin (whose Tennessee Williams-meets-Marlon Brando play Kowalski I raved about in 2011) makes sure to include it in The Spy Who Went Into Rehab, including coming up with some as yet unused Bond Girl monikers like Lacey Midnight, Cherry Climax, and Felicia Deepswallow.

And if James Bond battled secret enemy organizations like SPECTRE (an acronym for Special Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion), this time round it’s evil entities like FEMME, short for Females Empowered for Murder and Mayhem Everywhere, who match wits with Simon Cross.

Not only that but Ostrin delivers more than one bang-up eleventh-hour surprise twist, and there’s even a quirky Bond supervillain (Howard’s eye-patched, stuffed-cat bearing Lazarus Rex) who shows up along the way only to find his longtime foe too evolved to be any fun anymore.

A stellar, posh-accented Pourvasei gives cinematic Bonds from Connery to Dalton to Moore to Craig a run for their money where suave, sophisticated, impeccably tuxedoed secret agents with a license to kill are concerned.

Andrade, Howard, Shirley, and Townsend deliver comedic gem performances of their own as Simon’s fellow rehabbers (with Howard doing delectably evil double duty as Lazarus).

Last but not least, Fujikawa gives Dame Judi some tough competition where spy organization heads are concerned, in addition to directing the whole shebang to razor-sharp effect.

Indeed, the only area where The Spy Who Went Into Rehab falls short is in a barebones set more suitable for a workshop than a professional run, though Michael Franco’s lighting and Jason Culp’s sound design are both first rate as are the show’s uncredited costumes and Ostrin’s original soundtrack-ready title song, seductively sung by Ava King, with Townsend’s slo-mo choreography another plus.

The Spy Who Went Into Rehab is produced by Fujikawa and Ostrin. Kole King is stage manager. Jon Johansson is set painter. The role of Stella is customarily played by Jill Renner.

Originally set to close on July 7, The Spy Who Went Into Rehab’s extension into August means that you’ve still got time to catch this endlessly entertaining new entry in the secret agent canon. I’m definitely glad I did.

Pacific Resident Theatre, 703 Venice Blvd, Venice,
www.PacificResidentTheatre.com

–Steven Stanley
July 7, 2024
Photos: Phil Cass

 

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