Baseball season just got a whole lot more entertaining with The Unauthorized Musical Parody Of A League Of Their Own, the UMPO Series’ latest musical movie spoof at Rockwell Table & Stage.

As in countless UMPOs before it (including recent takeoffs on 10 Things I Hate About You, Stranger Things, and Clueless), executive producer/writer Kate Pazakis finds ingenious, occasionally off-color, consistently hilarious ways to mix classic movie/TV scenes with equally classic Top 40 hits performed by some of the most talented triple-threats of this or any other town.

Take for example, the sensational Natalie Masini, standing in for Geena Davis’s Dottie Hinson, who hasn’t taken her baseball glove off in 64 years.

Cue a flashback to 1943 when then 20something sisters Dottie and Kit (Amanda Kruger) are just a couple of Oregon farm girls milking their pet cow (Teya Patt in bovine drag, udder and all) when who should show up but baseball scout Jon Lovitz (Emerson Boatwright) and before you know it the two siblings are off playing pro baseball alongside Miss Marla Hooch (Patt), whose oddball looks and personality mask a champion home-run hitter, or as statuesque stunner Dottie puts it, “Just because she isn’t as beautiful as me doesn’t mean she shouldn’t be on the team.”

The girls will, of course, need a manager, and who better to take on that role but legendary player Jimmy Dugan (Garrett Marshall), who despite all his personal failures, hasn’t had a drink in months (unless you count he glassful of gin he’s now guzzling).

As for Jimmy’s concerns that there’s never ever been an all-girls baseball league, Jon Lovitz assures him that “If you build it, they will come,” prophetic Field Of Dreams words proven true when tryouts are held and Dottie, Kit, and Marla welcome Rosie O’Donnell and Madonna as Rockwell Peaches teammates, sorry make that Doris (Mollie Stilliens) and Mae (Katie Powers), because as director Penny Marshall (Patt) reminds us in her trademark foghorn voice, “They are acting.”

Last but not least, there’s feisty Italian girl Betty Spaghetti (Nohely Quiroz, not only as Betty herself but standing in for Evelyn, Shirley Ellen Sue, Helen, Skeeter, and all the other players who didn’t make the cut from movie screen to Rockwell).

A League Of Their Own fans will relish seeing their favorite scenes spoofed as only UMPO can, from Dottie’s prodigious skill at catching a fastball to the longest pee in movie history (only this time it’s not just Jimmy who’s doing the peeing) to a “sign-off” competition between Jimmy and Dottie that leaves an at-bat Marla dazed and confused, and it wouldn’t be A League Of Their Own without arguably one of the most quoted lines in movie history, the one that starts off “There’s no crying in ____.” (You fill in the blank.)

Smash hits ranging from Bon Jovi’s “Living On A Prayer” to Shania Twain’s “Man, I Feel Like A Woman” to a mashup of The Four Seasons’ “Big Girls Don’t Cry” and Fergie’s “Big Girls Don’t Cry” highlight UMPO A League Of Their Own’s more plot-driven Act One, before the likes of AC/DC, Carrie Underwood, Stevie Nicks, Madonna, and Queen turn the virtually plot-free second act into an almost non-stop rock concert highlighted by a “Bette Davis Eyes” that has the entire cast sporting “Geena Davis Eyes” to salute Rockwell regular Jeff Goldblum’s ex’s greatest movie hits, Beetlejuice, Stuart Little, and Thelma And Louise among them.

Performances could not be more sensational under Emma Hunton’s pitch-perfect direction, beginning with Masini’s and Kruger’s pitch-perfect, dead-ringer takes on Geena D. and Lori Petty, with Stilliens mastering Rosie O’Donnell’s Long Island vowels, Quiroz making for a delightful amalgam of Betty Spaghetti and others, and fresh-out-of-UCLA Powers giving Madonna’s Mae a run for her money.

A spectacular Patt dives fearlessly into one over-the-top character after another, and the men are no slouches either, Marshall making for a terrific Tom Hanks (and a burly blonde Rockwell Peach) and Boatwright stealing scenes of his own as Jon Lovitz, baseball big-shot Ira Lowenstein, Dottie’s hubby Bob, and more.

Needless to say, there’s not a less-than-powerhouse voice in the latest UMPO cast, with musical director/arranger Gregory Nabours and his band* providing bang-up backup and Zachry Stauffer an expert sound design mix along the way.

You won’t find a dance slouch on the Rockwell stage either, as choreographer Mallory Butcher once again finds ways to get her cast shaking their groove things in even the tightest of spaces, and just wait till Marshall lifts dance partner Boatwright to gravity-defying heights.

Rockwell’s theater-in-the-square playing area makes for a perfect baseball diamond (Chadd Michael McMillan once again shows off production design ingenuity and expertise), with additional design kudos going to Julien V. Elstob for his Vegas-reading lighting and some splendid scene-setting projections.

Nathan Moore is associate producer. Production coordinator Pablo Rossil doubles as stage manager. E.K. Dagenfield is technical director. Cast members Gabriela Carrillo, Gina D’Acciaro, Chris Fore, Jeffrey Landman, Shelley Regner, and Jamie Renee Smith had the night off at the performance reviewed.

I’ve now seen nine Unauthorized Musical Parodies, each one better than the other, and UMPO A League Of Their Own is no exception. At the risk of repeating what others have doubtless said before, Rockwell Table & Stage’s UMPO Series once again proves itself in a league of its own.

*Blake Estrada, Liam Kevany, Sterling Laws, and Nabours

Rockwell Table & Stage, 1714 N. Vermont, Los Angeles.
www.rockwell-la.com

–Steven Stanley
August 3, 2019
Photos: Bryan Carpender

Tags: Los Angeles Theater Review, Rockwell Table & Stage